I’ve spent the day chez moi, delving even further into the murk that makes up my complex and rather off-putting emotional make up. No music today, rather I’ve favored the silence that comes with work and general household toil. I like the peace it offers me, to be in quiet. I am an introvert by nature, although most would not describe me this way after seeing my social mask.

I try to write with it off, because it isn’t truthfully who I am. I am, however, used to playing a role. I am adaptive to almost any role. It is what makes me successful. It is what engenders trust in me as a whole - knowing that the curve ball won’t cause me to miss the home run.

People fall in love with him. My mask. He is what you want or need him to be. He is the quarterback, the all-star, the CEO, the lover, the confidant and the best friend rolled neatly into one person. He is me and yet not me. He, never questions his choices. I do. He never , ever, fails. I, regrettably, do. And he never gets hurt. I do.

This isn’t coming on the heels of a loss. This introspection isn’t caused by anything other than
my greedy, and yes, sometimes egocentric nature. In times like this, I value the people in my life. I could name them here, but would undoubtedly leave someone absent from the list.

When I am raw, my mask retired, they are what keep me sane. They offer, but don’t condemn. They take, yes, but always give back. If you are that person, thank you for the shelter. It’s the only thing that saves me from myself.

…oh and for the record, I love writing.  If I didn’t get it out of my head, my brain would explode or melt down from everything striking together…