It rained last night. Violent - it had everything - Thunder, Lightening, Hail. This morning there is a crispness in the air - the freshness that only comes after a thunderstorm. I can smell earth, water - beautifully combined.

It’s no wonder that I couldn’t sleep. It’s no wonder that I am crawling out of bed to go jogging. Fall. For however brief a time, fall has arrived.

I looked at her over the dining room table of my home, my eyes studying her from above my cup of coffee. Neither of us had anything to say. She had read my blog. She didn’t like what it contained. She hated that I even thought of screwing Lauren. And now, after exchanging that, we had run out of topics.

She rubbed her temples. I could tell she had a headache. The bags under her eyes said she hadn’t slept. I took another drink of my coffee.

‘I was fair, in what I posted.’ I said quietly, having listened to her reasons for objecting. It looked for a moment as if the weight on her had increased. I fell silent again and took another drink from my coffee. My fingers itched to light a smoke.

‘So what now?’ She ran her fingers through her hair and sat back in her chair.

I shrugged. I couldn’t make this easy for either of us.

We both stood as she finished her cup. Her hands opened and placed her keys on the table and I looked down at them. She walked to me and took my hand which rested on the frame of the chair. Her fingers played along the palm before she brought it to her cheek.

I watched her, but my instinct said to stop her. I didn’t. My thumb ran across the skin of her cheek. She released my hand and moved around me and walked into the living room - her keys still sitting on the table.

Standing there as she was, in the middle of the room, she placed her balled fists on the curve of her hips.

‘Hit me.’ She said.

‘Excuse me?’ My left brow arched as I sought to clarify what she had just said.

‘You said you wanted to hit me…so hit me.’

I smiled. ‘No.’

I moved and started walking towards the keys on the table.

‘Get it out, Daemon.’

I glanced at her as my name rolled off of her tongue. ‘No, Nika.’

‘Come on. Do it. Hit me.’ She said again. I reached for her keys and crossed the room, keeping her at arms distance.

‘No.’

I started to move and I felt the sting as her palm found my cheek. I could feel the hot burn that began in its wake. Her voice dropped to a whisper, so intimate. ‘Hit me, D.’

‘You better be going.’ I put the keys in the open pocket of her purse and indicated the door with a nod of my head.

She ignored the hint. I caught the flash of of her hand movement and caught the second blow just before it landed. The second hand moved faster and another sting fell on my cheek. When I released her I gave her a shove back.

‘Go.’

She stepped closer. My jaw tightened. She pressed her body against mine and wound her fingers into my hair. I for my part, remained unyielding. I turned my head to the right away from the whisper of her lips.

It was then I felt the bite of her incisors. When I shoved her back, she went sprawling. Her mouth had my blood on it. She had taken some of my skin that time.

‘Bitch!’ I covered my palm over the wound and walked to the bathroom. It was bleeding and a crimson stain spread across my dress shirt. And my face bore the impression of her palms.

She was still on the floor. I pointed to the door. ‘Leave, or I’ll help you leave.’

I watched as she composed herself, smoothed out her clothing and stood. She nodded and I stepped closer to help her out.

I caught her wrist again as she tried to strike me and this time I didn’t hold back.

I whipped my hand around and snapped her head to the side with the blow. She would have fallen if it weren’t for my grip on her wrist. She looked back and me slowly, her lip bloodied. Her eyes were watering.

‘I love you, D.’

I dropped her wrist. It was never easy between us.

(A Story. It doesn’t end today, at least, with any claim of love, or even the suggestion of it. It isn’t going to make you, the reader, feel better after reading it. Ugly. Yet, so painstakingly close to the truth to reveals too much of me and perhaps too much of N as well. A story, based on a discussion and event last night, while it is still fresh in my mind.

Call me sexist if you’d like, but the names I want to call her upon the end of this discussion would almost certainly be applicable to me also. I remind myself….I don’t own her. I don’t own her. I don’t own her.)

She had wanted to fight. Her words tumbled in my mind the entire day after reading her journal - the one she writes just for my eyes. It amused me, her aggression, her need to feel pain - this from the same woman who said she never wanted me to hurt her. Physical pain and emotional pain are two different beasts, I supposed, but so often they ride with each other. Two wolves.

When I saw her, there were the usual greetings - we had not seen each other in a few days, only phone calls exchanged back and forth - and waiting, a lot of waiting for my schedule to clear up. I know she hates my profession - not for what it is, but rather the volume of time it takes out of my life. We just don’t have enough time together.

It’s times like this that I crave a cigarette the most. Habit, I’m sure, but I used to spend hours talking with her, one hand occupied by a cigarette, the other between her thighs, or on her nipple. Three years since I last smoked? Maybe longer.

I reflected what she wanted from her journal. I asked her if she still felt that same restlessness. She did, but after a few moments of verbal sparring, we decided tonight wasn’t the night for those things. I was uncharacteristically lacking any desire to harm her and was content with those discussions we favored. And touching. I wanted to touch her. It was the same for her. She didn’t want to fight.

There was something in her tone. One of her answers seemed just too flippant for my liking, and just like that, the switch was on. I stirred her a little. It was an exercise of power. The barbs were carefully aimed so as not to be too much - and cause another month long departure from one another - yet still enough to make her hackles rise. She needed reminding just how well I knew her. She needed reminding of many things.

She couldn’t decide it I was playing with her, or truly was angered. It was mostly the former - mostly. I can’t remain entirely passive or distant when it comes to dealing with her, so even a discussion I was in, where I was going to piss her off, still impacts me. She didn’t strike back - I think there was a cetain amount of stunned shock.

She asked me if I was pushing her buttons on purpose.

Of course I was and responded truthfully. She digested that, and proceeded to push mine.

‘My Master.’ She said.

I laughed and pointed another direction and said that she must have me confused with the other men she was fucking. I could see the conversation disintegrating rapidly, but I was unwilling to stop.

She likes to play with my jealousy when we fight. I play with hers. Mine, however, is easier to reach.

‘Hm, now that you’ve reminded me, I think I should go warm a dick.’ She said, referring to a comment I made earlier about how her ass was being used as someone else’s dick warmer.

‘Take pictures. We can start our own scrapbook.’ I responded.

‘I already have a few.’

‘Excellent. I’d bring mine home, personally, where I could fuck them properly.’ I answered back. Home was one of those places that few people had seen. It spoke of an intimacy.

‘I met someone interesting earlier…I’ll keep you posted.’ She fired back. It was right here where I could feel aggressiveness starting to chew at me. The conversation was not improving, and my next remark didn’t help.

‘Lauren still calls me.’ I said, referring to someone that N ‘knew’ I had fucked. Someone I called ‘dark one’ as an endearment - the same name I called N back when we were in a full blown relationship. This person sets her teeth on edge.

It was a lie. I could see the blood the wound had drawn almost as if her skin had split open.

‘Nice to know you’re hiding things from me again.’

‘Please. You could write a book on hiding things.’ I answered.

I took a moment and said quietly that I had just lied about Lauren. It was a tentative truce. A call to lay down arms. We both reached for the olive branch with a certain amount of suspicion.

‘You started it.’ She accused.

‘You asked for it.’ I answered.

We spoke for a while after this - light discussion, we were both still testing the water to see if we could return to the state before this happened.

‘So fucking someone else would hurt you?’ She asked.

‘Yes, it would.’

‘I don’t want to hurt you.’ She answered. ‘Besides I haven’t fucked anyone else in a while.’

My eyes darted back to her, I could feel my pupils narrow as my brows slanted down. I could smell something in her answer.

‘Define what ‘a while’ is.’ I said, I could feel my fists starting to clench. Inside my head I prayed for the answer I wanted to hear.

She shook her head. ‘You’ll get mad, D.’ She paused, ‘Please, I don’t want us to get mad at one another.’

‘What date?’ Boiling. My blood was boiling.

‘No, D.’

‘Answer the fucking question!’

She backed away from me, but didn’t answer the question. I could see my hands shaking where my fingers curled into fists. I took a deep breath.

Another breath. Another. I could feel a wave of calm. Cold, blissful calm wafting over my inflamed mind.

I spoke slowly, calmly. ‘I don’t like someone being close to you that way. I don’t even maintain any type of relationship with other women because they want it to be more.’

‘I know you don’t.’ She was quiet.

What she said then…How do you write out this emotion? Words fail me.

‘You know if you found someone else I would understand.’

I remember blinking as I tried to digest the comment.

‘You would understand?’ I repeated dumbly. ‘YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND?’

‘I didn’t say I’d like it, sheesh.’ She answered.

‘God damn you. Jesus, What the FUCK am I doing here?’ I stood up.

‘I don’t know why you’re reacting this way.’ She sounded wounded. She had the NERVE to sound wounded.

My head snapped around so hard I felt my neck crack. ‘If you found ’someone else’ I would NOT UNDERSTAND. I would NOT ACCEPT IT.’

‘I know that.’

‘Obviously, I place more value on this than you. Obviously, hell, I’m the dumb ass, I could have seen it earlier.’

She used to shut up. She used to listen to me vent and just take the wind like a reed. Bending, bending.

Not last night. ‘Now hold up one fucking minute - I said I would understand. I would be a total hypocrite if I told you I would not accept if you found someone else.’

I laughed. ‘What a joke all this is.’

‘Forget it. You just don’t get it.’

‘Obviously there are replacements for me.’ I paced back and forth. My mind was digesting. ‘I want to smash your face in.’

‘There hasn’t been a replacement - that’s why I can’t settle.’ I recognized a certain urgency to soothe me in her voice.

‘Doesn’t stop you from sampling the herd, does it?’

‘I’m not answering that.’

“I think about you. I always think about you’ It was the truth - I kept my distance from everyone who I felt might remotely have a romantic interest. I wasn’t going to repeat the mistakes of my past.

‘If you think I don’t think about you…you’re so wrong.’

‘Thought about me when you were fucking him…when?’

‘Okay, I’ve had enough.’

‘So have I.’ I gathered my keys, picket up my jacket and left.

I was dialing the phone before I even left her driveway. It rang twice and I was about to hang up when I heard the sleepy voice on the other end of the phone answer.

‘Hello?’

Just who I wanted. ‘It’s me.’

‘Hi me.’ I could hear the tint of affection in her voice. ‘Long time no see.’

‘I want to come over.’ There was no mistaking the intent.

Did I hear her breath catch on the other end? I waited for her to tell me to fuck off. How long had it been since we last spoke? A year? No, December, January…something like that. ‘So…you and N not working out? I heard you two were back together.’

‘Do you want to fuck or not, Lauren?’

‘A booty call, D? I hoped you would buy me dinner first.’

‘Never mind.’ I answered. I didn’t want to even speak with her. Fuck. Just fuck.

‘I’ll leave the door unlocked.’

I hung up the phone just in time to hear it ring. I glanced at it. It was N. I hit the button and sent it to voicemail. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I didn’t need her apologies/accusations sounding in my head.

The drive was only 10 minutes. I almost crashed my car twice on the way over. I couldn’t even process rational thought. I had almost hit her. I could still see a picture of her with bloodied lip in my head. I wouldn’t have stopped there.

Damn her.

I opened the door and kicked it closed with my foot. I saw the bedroom door stood open across the small apartment and walked over there, stripping off clothing on the way. My shoes, my shirt all formed a trail of clothing on the way. My cell phone rang again and I tossed my undershirt on top of it. I was only wearing my pants, belt and socks when I walked into the room.

I looked at the bed. She wasn’t in it. I glanced at the bathroom door, there was light coming from under the door. It opened a moment later and she stood there, wearing just a pair of boxer shorts.

‘Subtle.’ I commented.

‘What do you care? You’re just here to fuck.’

I narrowed my eyes and walked over to her, backing her into the wall of her bedroom. I reached up and touched her hair. It had grown longer. My fingers slid over a lock - black as night. I looked at her for a moment before I leaned in a kissed her.

My hands cupped her head and pushed her back more firmly into the dry wall. I heard her head bump against it. I chewed her bottom lip for a moment, watching her face the entire time. My hands slid down and wrapped around her throat, cutting off the oxygen as I squeezed tighter. I smiled into her face as her eyes opened again.

My fingers tightened more and I lifted her just a fraction off of the floor. A little more, and then I pressed her against the wall again, her breasts were just at my chin. I leaned down and took one of her nipples into my mouth. My mouth opened up over her breast and I growled into her flesh. I felt her fingers wind into my hair and press me into her skin.

My hands cupped her bottom to keep her from sliding down. The wall helped, but she was light enough to carry as I pulled her back slightly from the wall and lifted her so her legs would wrap around my waist. My teeth grazed her and she moaned.

I bit her harder and felt her body roll against mine. I could feel the heat of her sex through the cotton of the shorts she wore. How did I not know she liked pain? We had never fucked - toyed with the idea, but never actually done the deed. This was when N was collared to someone else.

Her hands roamed over my skin. I felt her squeeze her thighs tighter around me. I looked up, above me as she was and when she leaned down, kissed her again. Her hair swept over us both. So much like N.

I could hear my phone from the other room, but I still put Lauren on the bed. I peeled away her boxers down her legs and tossed them into some dark corner. My nails raked her skin, scored her flesh as I touched every inch of her skin. My mind kept comparing her to N. She wasn’t as tall. Her eyes weren’t the same. She didn’t have an ass to speak of. The noises she made didn’t sound as erotic.

Still when I parted her thighs, she was wet. Responsive. Warm. My mouth settled on her clit, a small jewel amid butterfly petals. Her body jerked. Her hands clutched at my head. Her hips rolled upward to met me. Stillness left her body, replaced by the slow rhythm of arousal.

My fingers probed the opening of her cunt lightly just before I slid a finger into her. My cock was painfully hard. I could feel it pressing against my pants, seeking fresh air just before the plunge into slick darkness.

I twisted my finger and I heard her gasp. ‘Right there!’ I smiled. It was different for everyone - that spot. My thumb danced over the area around her swollen clit and I repeated the motion.

‘Uunngh.’ I can’t even describe the sound. I leaned in again and traced my tongue lightly over her folds. My finger was joined by a second and the same movement was repeated.

‘Holy shit!’ The same movement again and the long cry came out followed by a release of breath as her body spasmed. I could feel the warm liquid of her cunt. I lay there and watched her for a moment before I moved and sat back on my calves. My fingers hurried to unbuckle my belt. I grabbed a condom just before taking my pants and boxers off and tore open the pack with my teeth.

I felt her hands then, settle across mine.

‘Is that your phone?’ She smiled. I listened. It was ringing. I shrugged and moved my hands down to my cock, which jerked slightly at the cold contact of the latex. Her hands moved mine aside and she slid the ring down over my cock. She lay back against the bed as I moved above her, hooking one leg over my shoulder.

I teased her lightly with the head, sliding it against the over-sensitized pearl of flesh at the crown of her pussy. I pressed in slightly, and felt her shift to adjust to the penetration. I leaned in further, now looming over her, my hands on either side of her body as my cock poised to fill her.

‘Look.’ I said and she watched as I slid into her, inch after inch. I felt her cunt squeeze me and closed my eyes. I didn’t wait a moment for her to adjust, but rather started a quick pace. It was fucking, after all.

The bed squeaked with the movement and eventually, her leg slid from my shoulder so that her legs could wrap around my waist. It was hard. I know I was hard on her. I was punishing her for not being N.

Her arms were wrapped around me and I peeled them off, pressing them back against the bed. She resisted the movement. We were sliding against each other, my breath in her ear when I reached between us and lightly pinched the folds of flesh around her clit. The wet flesh made for friction and when she came the second time, I joined her.

My hips thrust as I came inside the sheathe that kept us apart. Her mouth remained in the curve of my neck as I spent myself.

When I lifted my head, she stared back at me. I moved off of her and pulled the condom off of my cock and walked to the bathroom. I tossed it in the trash and washed my hands and face.

When I looked up, I caught the red bruise at the curve of my neck.

When I walked out, she was already dressed. She had my cell phone in one hand, a lit cigarette in the other.

‘It was good, but you need to go home now.’

I took my phone from her and looked at the screen. 12 missed calls. I took the cigarette from her hand and took a long drag.

‘I’m sor..’

‘Don’t. I let you come over right?’ Were her eyes glossy? She ducked her head down and when she looked at me again it was gone. I thought perhaps I had imagined it.

She tip toed up and kissed me on the cheek. ‘I’ll give you a moment to get dressed.’ She said, just before she shut the bedroom door behind her.

I took another drag on the cigarette. I noticed my clothing was neatly piled on the bed. I got dressed.

I left a few moments later, a pack of cigarettes and matches tucked on my palm. I settled in behind the wheel of my car and drove home.

What I had just done. I felt shame.

N’s car was in my driveway. She was sleeping behind the wheel. She got out of the car when I walked close and threw her arms around me. I hugged her.

A moment later she pulled back and then a second she stepped back. She could smell Lauren on me.

When her eyes went to the mark on my neck, she turned around and left.

In truth, she never answered my call last night. This morning, she returned it and we spoke for a long moment. I could hear the invitation. Sanity prevailed, but only because the phone remained unanswered. Feel free to comment. Are either of us right?

Borrowing from Pussy Talk’s blog suggestion, I offer up this piece…

There is always that one that stands out from the rest. I’ve never been one to select my peaches from the rows and rows one always finds at the grocery store. No. The best peaches to be had are purchased during long road trips that cross over the the South Carolina/Georgia border. Those farmers markets that are set up on the road side teem with possiblity.

A colorful arrangement of apples, grapes, squash and other summer fruits and vegetables spill out from simple buckets made from straw and simple woods. Calling to be taken home. I’ll purchase a few, of course, for the quality and simple act of goodness one feels by supporting something as simple and homegrown as an American farmer.

The peach. I can never wait to eat it. There is an almost eagerness to smell and taste that perfect one once it is uncovered. There isn’t any hurry, the memory will only be satisfying if I take my time. My fingers are the first to wrap around it, carressing it with an almost reverence upon finding it. The round orb, lightly dusted with fuzz, pliable, but not giving flesh, scented with the smell of sun and summertime and beautifully colored with a blush.

That is the perfect peach. I never peel mine - it would be a sacrifice to lose the first burst of flavor to my fingers, or the the floor below. The first bite, the flesh slides across my tongue caressing, teasing until my teeth sink in. A moments resistance and then the intoxicating taste and scent of perfection. My eyes will close in almost a reflex as I savor that moment - feel it etch itself into my mind.

I can feel the juice brimming on my lips just before the first juicy river trickles down over my chin.
I am slow to chew - and the juices pool as the flesh is slowly masticated between my teeth. My tongue strokes the spot left open to the warm of my breath as I seek another bite. Again, the flavor bursts upon my tongue anew.

I am intoxicated.

Around, slowly around the brown orb in the center I go. It is a unhurried process.

When the final bite is completed, my fingers cup the bare core of the peach - the seed which hopes to find itself in mother natures hands. When I was younger, I would find a place and bury it in the soil to give it some hope. Now - I am greedy. I take it back with me.

And plant it in my back yard - and hope that one day I can have that flavor closer to home.