So yesterday was full of remarkable events. My party won big, establishing a footprint in the house and senate that heralds a country-wide party shift not seen since pre-Reagan days. I was Republican at one point in my life, I don’t like to admit, but I lend that time to my father. While the first parts of my life were not spent with any sort of luxury, after coming back to the US (although I am a citizen, I didn’t really live here for a long time) we were well-off.
I was able to go to college with little difficulty, scholarships paid the first 4 years, but all the years afterward when I was perfecting my knowledge were paid with hard earned dollars… from him. Loans went the rest of the way, but it was safe to say that I lived in a glass bubble with an assumption that all people had access to the same things I did.
It was during my field work, during the hard years that followed, when I learned otherwise. All men may be born equal, but that is where it ends. I’ve often reflected on what I would do if I ever had the reigns of being president, a job I would never - ever want because of my strict privacy desires. Although I would run a balanced budget ( those of you that know me well, know I love my budgets and will spent weeks ironing them out until they are perfect ) I think that my leadership skills would fail in the face of ignorance.
I say that because last night, I lost my temper. This wasn’t a brief period of saying something I shouldn’t, because my tongue is controlled when I choose it to be, it was an all-out, I had to be held back, almost coming to blows kind of thing. It wasn’t over politics, which you might think, but living in a harsh red state, I’ve earned a thick skin. During my career when politics played a huge part, I even learned to sound Republican for my company, so it goes to say, I don’t lose my temper in that arena.
No, this was personal, and impacted someone I care about. While I am not quick to make friends or lovers (key word - love), and it takes me even longer to trust them when I do, once I’m there, I am steadfast. I could not allow this person to infringe upon them a second longer.
A phone call. I got in my car. The entire drive spent rolling it around in my head which only deepened my level of disgust and outrage. I burst in the door, exchanged a few words and right then, the temper snapped. I’m not proud of it, and in thinking about it, I’m still angry again, but I despise losing control of myself for a single moment.
My temper, something rarely seen these days, is an ugly thing. The day that follows after, is often spent in retrospect.