I wrote this for someone who we all hold on too, for the someone we all lost, and for someone we never knew.

Don’t cry.

I’m really not that far away from you. Distance is only as far as we allow each other to drift in our heads. The absence tests us, and while I’ve never found it to make anything other than yearning stronger, I’ve also found it to be a reminder of what I have, and you have - to what we both return each time our minds linger upon those precious thoughts.

Don’t cry.

Faith feels empty, I know, when it remains unfullfilled - when patience and hope become and remain ashy shells of their former glory. Time does that, drains away some of the good and allows cracks to open, bleeding doubt into our foundation. Don’t believe its lies.

And don’t cry.

I never left you. I remain firmly held within your thoughts, your memories. You never let me leave and I never wanted too. It’s just that plans, they don’t mean a thing except to you and me. The universe has its own needs even if we don’t understand them - even if it hurts so badly to not have our way.

Please don’t cry.

It breaks my heart. I wait to embrace you again. My patience - endless. My love, whole.

Please don’t cry. I am with you.

I’ve been absent - I’m sure you’ve noticed. It was not my intent to leave with such a post hanging in the air like I have - indeed, it wasn’t my intention to leave at all. Thank you each for your responses. I think we each have a moment when doubt sets in. I’ve recovered from that - at least, learned to manage it, which is all any of us can do. Things happen, chips fall where fate, fairly or unfairly, has decided they should.

I’m back - at least, I’m at my home, embraced by familiarity and the warmth of the known. It’s the warm blanket I pull around me when cold reality sets in.

C, a friend from college, will be staying with me a while. He is one of 3 I count in the closest circle of friends. He makes my life better, and I love him for it.

I’ll write more when time finds me.

Darkness, Darkness, Darkness

There comes a time when you must force yourself to realize that what was once a goal, is no longer. It isn’t for your lack of trying (though they might say it was), it isn’t for your lack of dedication (though they might question that as well), but simply because you weren’t enough. It is no longer a question of may, if or when, but can. Or can’t.

You can’t win.

Because, no matter how much blood you invested, no matter how many endless hours you spent… Whatever exists inside you just simply, isn’t enough.

I wasn’t enough. Goddamn, why does that always hurt?

FUCK YOU BUFFALO!!!!!!!!!!!!