posted by Daemon on 31.Jan.2007 1 Comment
It’s out there, a mixed blessing blended sweetly and bitterly with change. There is a moment’s rush as I digest the sensation of knowing I am wanted, without question above all others - until I see, feel, the counterweight slowly dragging down my euphoria to a more managable and somehow, disappointing level. I knew it was coming and so even my high was muted, the idea fed to me in bits and pieces by well-intentioned people trying perhaps, to share my joy. It is a joy, of sorts, knowing there is an out, someway to clean the mud off of my dirty hands and rise out of the decay that weights heavily on my shoulders, and the shoulders of many people stronger than myself.
It is nice to see a doorway as I walk along, hunched over, cursing the mire that weighs my feet and covers me from neck to toe. It gives me some hope that - I don’t know, that some of this weariness will evaporate from my skin. Maybe that stain on my palms will suddenly be able to be washed away. Those files weigh on me heavily, even when I made every effort to save them from their demons - even as they cursed and spat at me - worse.
And here is this out, this glorious out which I eye with a distrust for no other reason than it is too good, too easy. The road has never been paved before my feet. I’ve fought for everything - my education, my ethics, my woman, my job. Can it be so simple as to walk through a door and simply be clean again?
My mind says no, but then its tireless rantings have my thought in circles, perfect circles, turning endlessly over in my head. It is my mind that reminds me that I am imperfect and my logic that dictates my decision to listen or ignore the inner dialogue. I am not perfect, but that dirt and those files staining my hands and mind, those - those simply are a fever, gone with a dose of fresh air and a slate wiped clean.
I control the slate.
change demons General work
Published in General and tagged:
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posted by Daemon on 30.Jan.2007 2 Comments
Created on January 30th and filed under General, Findings.
I haven’t written for a while, obviously. It isn’t for any particular reason. Work’s been manageable, in fact they are looking to promote me again, which I view as both a blessing and a curse. I have the choice to turn it down, of course, but I won’t. There is something enjoyable about being the youngest in the room that the old man in me enjoys.
It’s sunny out and cool, my favorite combination of weather that makes the urge to run just too much to pass up. I don’t do those odd little running shorts that make me feel good and perverse, so you’ll have to stomach the fact that I’ll be out in the very macho, testosterone laden version of male tights. Can you handle it?
My nephew’s birthday is today, otherwise I’d have no use for this cake decorated a la the Cars, but I am second guessing going over to my sister’s house which is currently filled with all sorts of germs. Let’s hope I escape the viral plague unscathed.
I had meant for this to be the extent of my post (what’s below, not above) but so much for brevity.
I found this. Which reminded me just how powerful words can be, and so, it made me produce my own:
Bended knee. Held Breath. Question. Yes.
So surprise me, and see what you can say without spelling it all out. You’re it.
6 word short story Findings General work
posted by Daemon on 15.Dec.2006 1 Comment
Created on December 15th and filed under General.
It rained today. In. my. office. As in the sprinklers coming on for no fucking reason. One minute I’m sitting there, another I am blinking away the steady spray of water as I’m watching the electronics in my office shut down in the ‘its-going-to-need-massive-repair’ sort of manner. The screams of some, the curses of everyone else and the general sensation of my good humor flushing down to absorb into the carpet with the rest of the water in Texas.
My carpet squishes. The cleaning crew will be spending the entire evening sorting out water from my carpet and everything else. I can’t get anyone in there to fix or work until they are done. Meanwhile, I’ve got a stack of refugee paperwork I snatched in the vain effort to continue my work here. Now that I’m home, changed out from the clothing which made me wet in all the ways I don’t prefer…I can’t seem to manage anything.
Meanwhile, this is what I’ll be doing:
Checking out D’Jaevle’s lair, while using Messenger and surfing sites like this one or perhaps going through the sex blog list here, or here. As you already know, I think she is brilliant - her as well.
I’ll be editing my Sage add-ons. My entire blog list is on there and a few others I’ve only recently come across, but not linked. I may write (this post would certainly suggest that), but I wouldn’t count on it being about anything other than her.
I feel like reading some dark, moody fiction, but I may settle for music. I just downloaded a few songs from iTunes. The search for one of them, called ‘Remember the name,’ drove me nuts for no less than two hours while I hunted on google with incorrect lyrics.
I still want to see The Fountain. He reviewed it. I found him in my awstats and it raised my curiosity. I may go and see it tonight, or perhaps sometime tomorrow. The soundtrack isn’t bad either, written by the same man who did Lux Aeterna.
If you’ve made it this far, give yourself a treat. I might even tell you if the movie was good or not.
General
