If only I didn’t seek it… It would come
I sit down to write something profound, something that comes from inside me, stirs some part of me — boils out of me — and yet nothing is there. I’ve stared at this monitor, with its blinking line beckoning me like a warm light in the darkness and nothing erupts. So instead, I’ll tell you just that.
I’ve worked on Abduction, could release it, but find that it, too, echoes that same quiet stillness, and it deserves more. I’m attached to my writing and want it to be as perfect as I can in that moment — and perfect has a lot to do right now with emotion.
Work hasn’t been hard, not really, but the personal stuff has provided enough supplement. It doesn’t mean that I’d have it any other way. I think, instead, it means that I’d like there to be a beautiful hesitation in my life. A stillness that doesn’t mean emotionless gray, but instead, something closer to a sunrise that goes on (seemingly) endless. Color, beautiful color, warm and embracing.
Do you understand?
November 8th, 2007 at 12:38 am
Perfectly.
And what an amazingly lovely way to describe something most of us fail miserably to depict.
~peace
November 8th, 2007 at 7:00 am
You may not feel, when you reach for them, that the words with which you emerge are profound.
They are.
i go to my day today with a quiet softness, wrapped in a lovely sort of hush, because i read these words. And that, my darling friend, is profound.
Thank you.
elise
November 8th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
“I sit down to write something profound, something that comes from inside me, stirs some part of me — boils out of me — and yet nothing is there.”
Perhaps desiring the profound is it’s own inhibition. Often, the profound is unplanned.
Since the profound requires knowledge and/or insight, and demands deep thought and introspection, perhaps the stillness you experience inside is actually an incubation. Silence, whether internal or external, can itself be intense and is not truly silent. Could that be the message your intellect and emotions are sending you? Isn’t that in a way the ‘hesitation’ you desire?
Embrace it and and revel in all the rhythmic sounds and colors silence contains. Ignore the blinking cursor and pick up a pencil. Experience blank paper and consciously tune in to your own heartbeat. That alone is profound. It’s the music of you that’s waiting to flow.
November 8th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
I know that place with the stillness that still lives and breathes. It’s a rare gift you generate from within. I think the lack of boiling passion and the grey are all woven from the same place inside. Only you can break that veil.
November 9th, 2007 at 4:12 am
Oh shit, yes.
you have my profound sympathy.
November 10th, 2007 at 8:40 am
I am living in a similar space at the moment. As always your words, or lack of them, speak volumes to me.
S