Leaning the proper use of the words ‘I’m sorry’ should require a class.

Let me give you some history. My parents came from an era where parents acted without the worry of someone else disapproving. If I needed to be beaten, rest assured, it was done. Effectively. If someone objected, and I never came across someone until I was well out of my childhood and thus, beating size, then their opinion was shoveled into the same pile as the manure I had to shovel out of stables.

The household was run according to the will of my father who was unconcerned about democracy, group opinion or fairness. He made no apology for the dictatorship he ran, he simply acted as he knew best. He never apologized - even when he was absolutely wrong.

My mother is a story unto herself. Whereas my father acted directly, my mother is best known for indirect action - passive aggressive, yet effective, maneuvering. She should have been a general - all planning, my father, the assassin, carrying out the action. While my father never said the words, the only time I’ve heard her speak them is in the general sense of, “I’m sorry you are sick,” or “I’m sorry you are being ignorant,” or “I’m sorry you refuse to see reason.”

It’s the ‘I’m sorry’ where it still ends up being anyone else’s fault but hers.

I used to be very much like my parents in that regard. I could have run over a 90-year-old grandmother of 12 and still made it her fault. The words never left my mouth, or if they did, it was something along the lines of “I’m sorry you are a blind dumbass.”

Age, education and therapy have helped me see past, and grow beyond, some of my flaws. I thought there was progress made. I had an argument later with an ex-girlfriend and she screamed at me that it was never my fault, that I was never sorry. I realized then, that while my actions might have indicated, while my mind knew, that I never actually said the words.

Maybe it is the dominant nature to not see why this is so important. I’ve had so many people apologize to me for things that aren’t their fault, I can see why the words seem trite, or overused. It isn’t someone else’s fault that I’m sick or that I can’t find my pen, or mend a rift or for whatever else they ‘apologize.’

‘I’m sorry’ is a phrase that has been beaten into the ground by overuse and its meaning trampled upon and manipulated in our brains into being something it isn’t. It isn’t a weakness to say the words “I’m sorry” without anything behind it.

At the same time, you should never apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

There is a balm to be found in the words that is almost as heady as hearing them say back, “I’m sorry, too.”

I confess to Almighty God,
to blessed Mary ever Virgin,
to blessed Michael the Archangel,
to blessed John the Baptist,
to the holy Apostles Peter and Paul,
to all the Saints and to you, brothers (and to you Father),
that I have sinned exceedingly,
in thought, word and deed:
through my fault,
through my fault,
through my most grievous fault.
Therefore I beseech the blessed Mary,
ever Virgin,
blessed Michael the Archangel,
blessed John the Baptist,
the holy Apostles Peter and Paul,
all the Saints, and you, brothers (and you Father),
to pray to the Lord our God for me.
Amen.