December 19, 2008

Shadows & Fog

Category: NM — Daemon @ 8:45 am

A thick, soft blanket of fog covers everything outside, and the cool, welcoming darkness beckons to me like a lover with open arms, or better, open thighs.  I want to suck in the air and feel that same coolness invade my lungs.  I want to disappear into the mist with it swirling around me, making me nothing more than a shadow, a stranger out in the darkness.

I long for the vapor to tickle the hairs on my legs, my forearms.

This imposed stillness has created and fed a demon who battles for freedom from my invisible noose.  It wants to see me self-destruct, gone down in my own version of flame and glory.  It whispers in my ear of laziness and sends me to the mirror to see if my vanity, my pride, has dimmed without the rigor of daily exercise.

Sex with N, notwithstanding.

This restlessness, this ennui, fills me like water does a tank.  My demon heats it until pressure builds and builds.  I am sick of doctors, and curse myself for once again, being my own enemy, the one whose influence I should want to eliminate.  How, exactly, does one eliminate the self, I ask you?

Energy is directed outward as a vent.  I’ve tamed my lethal tongue successfully thus far, my temper with equal success, but discontentment is written across me as if tattooed upon my chest.  It’s consuming to my thought process and books, my food, have lost their luster and appeal.

I think of running.  I dream of running.  I can taste the flavor of running on my tongue when I wake, still as I do, at 4 am, though permission is given for 6 because of its absence.  So I fuck.

I wake N and crawl upon her and inside her like I wanted the fog this morning to do to me.  I invade, I coat, I devour.  I fuck with energy that feeds off that demon, that pressure.  I sweat, I bleed and I leave bite marks upon her skin that mirror the footprint I would have left on the dewy grass and dead leaves of the path outside.  I consume.

And N empties me.  I feed upon her open thighs.  And her mouth.  Her tits.  Her cunt.  I taste her and it stills and quiets the want of ….. anything else.

Still, when I walk out to my car, and look at the gray sky, the traces of fog that linger, I want.  And my fingers itch to feel the laces of my running shoes again.

December 9, 2008

Procrastinating brain: a.k.a. arriving after the party has ended

Category: introspection — Daemon @ 2:58 am

One of the curiosities of being who I am is that, no matter how long I work, or the fact that I do have a regular job (during the daytime), it seems that no matter how hard I try (and I do) I can’t, just can’t get my mind to work the way I’d like ….until this time of day.

It’s 2a.m.  Just about when I am ready to go to bed because I can’t justify another sleepless night, just when I’m ready to pop some pain meds to kill the MIND NUMBING pain, I find inspiration hitting me.

Fucking brain, would you work right for a change?

Inspiration will have to wait.  Oblivion awaits in the form of little tiny ovals.

Its better, its getting better.

December 6, 2008

iTunes Bender #7

Category: Findings — Daemon @ 1:18 am

Dear Apple iTunes,

I don’t regret spending an obscene amount of money on your website recently.  In fact, I would rather view it as helping out starving artists everywhere.  Artists, who peddle their trade earnestly on the streets of L.A., need this kind of money from me to just make ends meet.  How else would Brittany be able to afford her bi-polar medication?  (I confess, sadly, none of my purchases went to that cause, however.)

David Draiman can now afford to purchase another piercing!  I am equally thrilled to support another round of rehab for Ms. Winehouse as well.

I would ask that you somehow endeavor to make your site less addictive.  Perhaps you can make those little sound clips longer, so I didn’t feel the need to download just to complete the rest of the chorus.  I know, there are other sites out there that would offer me not only the music, but the video as well, however, the thrill of ownership will not be denied!

iTunes, when did you make illegal downloading a thing to be despised?  When did you manage to make purchasing something more thrilling than secretly thieving it from across a thousand shared servers?  Was that switch made when I got Madonna calling me a thief on her ‘Like a Virgin’ .mp3?  Was it when that one song I wanted was never available?

WHEN, I ask, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN???

iTunes, you are my drug.  I am now going to overdose on a mixture of the following:

  • Apocalyptica - Inquisition Symphony (Alas!  A full album download of music that I can fuck N too)
  • Through Glass - Stone Sour
  • Lovers in Japan (video)- Cold Play (Free!  Like a drug dealer passing out samples!!!)
  • Little Toy Gun (video) - Honey Honey (Another Free one!)
  • Over and Under - Egypt Central
  • Hurt - Christina Aguilera
  • Wanted Dead or Alive (video) - Bon Jovi (Why do you insist on keeping classic Def Leppard and G n R videos out of my reach?)
  • Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
  • The Killers - Hot Fuss (Special pricing, my downfall)
  • Black - Aaron Lewis
  • Black Balloon - The Goo Goo Dolls
  • Strong Enough - Sheryl Crow (iTunes, when did you find out I love older women?)
  • Real Gone - Sheryl Crow
  • Here is gone - The Goo Goo Dolls
  • Winter Wonderland - Tony Bennett (Free!)

I hope you are pleased with yourself, iTunes.  I’ll be back.

Yours eternally,

D

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