I had a dream last night. It was the kind where you can almost reach out and touch the people in it. The behavior, the cast, the activity were all so in line it was almost like reliving a memory - except the impossibility of it. My father is dead, you know that if you’ve read for any time, but in that dream he was alive and more peaceful than I’d seem him during this life. A different man.
As dreams go, I don’t remember all the details. The pad of paper I usually keep bedside to record my impulsive thoughts and notes for the following day had been left downstairs, and that, N would tell you is an oddity in and of itself. It was filled with jealousy, hate, anger, rage and love - all directed around the actions of my father. I remember, just before I opened my eyes, someone had been screaming at me, and I can’t tell you who it was. The words I remember - ‘You are not your father’s son!’
When I opened my eyes, it was with the word ‘good’ echoing in my head.
I’ve thought about this, turned it over in my brain and determined… yeah, that was a good dream. I love my father, but I never wanted to be like him.
Today, I’m peaceful with that.
At least I know you’re alive, mystery man.
Peace is good. Savor it while you can. I know you, it won’t last.
Comment by Tess — November 12, 2008 @ 8:04 pm
I’m sure you know how pleased I am to read this post. I like this you. Take care of him.
elise
Comment by elise — November 12, 2008 @ 8:37 pm
Dreams; the blessed messengers that come bearing gifts, in the ‘darkness of the day’…
After burying my first-born son, it took ten years for me to finally surrender to letting go and utter that dreaded word… Goodbye. It was a long, painful process that i thought would crush the will and the life from me before it was over. But, i was able to accept, then release, after a final ‘visit,’ which he gifted me with, in the form of a DREAM. It was a transformative experience. A Blessing, indeed.
i’m certain that your father would be very proud of the man you are, Dae, although he may not have voiced that pride.
Perhaps this was his way of saying so, and of letting you know that it’s time for both of you to have some comfort, serenity and peace.
Dreamtime can be a ‘magical’ place. i hope this feeling remains within you, a reminder of all things possible.
Comment by gd — November 14, 2008 @ 8:23 am