There are days that I realize that I am utterly jaded. Ruined. Unable to be astonished by the worst of the world or impressed by the best.

Ever feel like you’ve been there, done that? I’ve lost my ability to be surprised by anything - well almost. Those closest to me are capable of shocking me from time to time when they step out of their box - their comfort zone. When I’ve seen people wallow in their own faults, like myself from time to time, I tend to be a little amazed when they stop.

Still, nothing shocks me anymore. I have a sister, who closed the door on a divorce, and who has moved in with my mother (God help her) temporarily while she recovers from the aftermath. She recently began dating…and caught her new love interest trying to tape them having sex.

*sigh*

That basically sums up my reaction to the news. I didn’t feel a wave of rage, mild disgust perhaps, but I was more interested in how she protected herself. Tape destroyed? Police called? Had she done a background check on him?

She told me, quite matter-of-fact, that she expected me to go over and ‘kick his ass.’ I told her I could arrange for mace during his arrest if she would like….but, she didn’t press charges.

Still that little side trip into my personal life aside, I just can’t be moved that easily. The concern has died in me. The ability to empathize is gone. I don’t seek to understand how they feel, I am more interested in what they are doing to improve it. Rather like a Tony Robbins goal mastery course on speed and minus the charisma.

I’m not moved by the stated emotion, but by the taken action. I don’t like to read about depression and suicide unless you plan on ending it forever, or getting over it. I respect results, I admire action, and I don’t want to read about how you feel during the conflict. I like the story that bottoms in the middle and points towards a more hopeful horizon.

Don’t mistake that for optimism. I’m too much of a realist to enjoy blowing sunshine up anyone’s ass. I fully expect you to fail many more times that you succeed.

So where does that leave me? Cynical. Jaded. Untrusting.

Holy shit. I’m an asshole.

Now that made me smile.