It was by design, that he was alone. He had built his life in such a way that no other person could fit in without causing the entire structure of his self existance to fragment. He worked hard at keeping people at a safe distance - always giving them reasons to remain on the outer cusp. He had an edge - razor sharp, that would cut and slice at anyone that dared to test his will. He was as turbulent as a hurricane, but without the calm inner eye that would give you a moments peace before the storm swelled again.
Sometimes the sun would shine in his world, but the black, rain laden clouds would still linger on the horizon. The atmosphere crackled with energy. Everyone could tell when the storm would start to settle in - some knew even before he would recognize or acknowledge it himself. Perhaps it was the way he carried his shoulders, or that vein in his head that would start to tick.
When she would come, they never knew the outcome. She would take the brunt of it, she always did, but what would the end result be? There were whispers in the hallways that he would, one day, kill her in a rage. His closest friends would vehemently deny the possibility. He did, after all, love her. She had filled in the empty spaces of his life without fragmenting his world. She made him stronger.
And yet, still, he drove her away. The weight of his decision lingers.
Frightened little boy. True happiness will never be yours. Submission IS the ultimate power. The ultimate CONTROL. To bring true happiness to someone will always be more powerful than true pain. The feelings you experience when she totally submits, the love you feel surging through you is greater than any pain you can inflict. Pain will always be there in this world. Love can be taken away. Does it hurt you more to have your body and mind beaten or when love is withheld from you?
Comment by Annie — 7/26/2005 @ 6:06 pm
Hello Annie -
There is a flaw in that thinking. To submit - to yield, is to surrender control to another. If the goal is to have the ultimate power, then manipulation would be a better word for it.
Emotional pain can hurt in ways that physical pain can not. So yes, denial of love would hurt more. In the post, however, the man did was the one that did the sending. Does that mean he was hurting her more or himself more? That is for the reader to decide. Thank you for your comment.
Comment by Daemon — 7/27/2005 @ 3:40 pm
[…] Memory, of sound, of warmth, of touch, keep me company as I march onto my battlefield. « GRRR… […]
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