I want to cut you and hear the hiss of your breath as you indulge the pain.

I want to lick the wounds on your back and hear you scream.

I want to beat the animal within you, and drive you insane.

I want to claw the defiance from you and replace it with my own dream.

I want to break you and watch you crawl to me.

I want to eat the life as it pours from your wounded flesh.

I want to birth in you the same greed.

I want to have you and our glory refresh.

Its raining today, again. The sky is black as it is just before sunrise, except now, the sky shields bright sun behind its cloak of dark instead of pale moon. Rain, thunder it makes no difference to me, my black clouds linger in defiance of sunny skies and warm days, the sky now simply mirrors the tenebrous thoughts in my mind.

I have been tempted.

Storms rage, yet calm is the breeze that violates my skin with its unwelcome caress.

“No one holds command over me.
No man. No god. No prince.
What is a claim of age for ones who are immortal?
What is a claim of power for ones who defy death?
Call your damnable hunt.
We shall see who I drag screaming to hell with me.”

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I’ve seen you hanging round
This darkness where I’m bound
And this black hole I’ve dug for me
And silently within
With hands touching skin
The shock breaks my disease
And I can breathe

[Chorus]
And all of your weight
All you dream
Falls on me it falls on me
And your beautiful sky
The light you bring
Falls on me it falls on me

Your faith like the pain
Draws me in again
She washes all my wounds for me
The darkness in my veins
I never could explain
And I wonder if you ever see
Will you still believe?

[Chorus]

Am I that strong
To carry on?
I might change your life
I might save my world
Could you save me?

[Chorus X 2]

I am disgusted as a whole. Trite conversation, threadbare personalities, weak characters.

It’s at times like this, I really crave contact. It is the simplest and most effective of solutions for this mood I have.
Why then, is it repellant to me to be around people? See the above again if you don’t understand.
Frankly, it has taken some time for this mood to creep up on me. I have managed my emotions for some time with great success to this point, containing the barely controlled desires and rages that come so neatly packaged in my psyche. I have allowed myself, only today, to swim in the liquid black of my rage, to swallow the water of contempt and to bask in the glory of my jealousy.

I’ve let them win. I suppose the defeat is made sweet by the numbness that accompanies acceptance. Eventually, I will be numb to the emotion I feel.

But, for today I have allowed the urges to arise. The urge to dig my thumbs into her neck, until her body struggles against me. I can almost feel her nails digging into my skin, taste the blood she willingly offers to me, kiss the sweetness of her mouth as I slowly screw her.

It is surely a poison. The choice to turn numb and forget the past sweetness or to indulge and crave that drug in my system.

The numbness wins. It is a victory and a defeat.

All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. -Poe