SadisticExcess

I am disgusted as a whole. Trite conversation, threadbare personalities, weak characters.

It’s at times like this, I really crave contact. It is the simplest and most effective of solutions for this mood I have.
Why then, is it repellant to me to be around people? See the above again if you don’t understand.
Frankly, it has taken some time for this mood to creep up on me. I have managed my emotions for some time with great success to this point, containing the barely controlled desires and rages that come so neatly packaged in my psyche. I have allowed myself, only today, to swim in the liquid black of my rage, to swallow the water of contempt and to bask in the glory of my jealousy.

I’ve let them win. I suppose the defeat is made sweet by the numbness that accompanies acceptance. Eventually, I will be numb to the emotion I feel.

But, for today I have allowed the urges to arise. The urge to dig my thumbs into her neck, until her body struggles against me. I can almost feel her nails digging into my skin, taste the blood she willingly offers to me, kiss the sweetness of her mouth as I slowly screw her.

It is surely a poison. The choice to turn numb and forget the past sweetness or to indulge and crave that drug in my system.

The numbness wins. It is a victory and a defeat.

All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. -Poe