No, not any more inspired. I have the urge to just blow all of this shit off but not for any real reason. I am not upset or irate…just not into it. Bored? Perhaps. Something to think about anyhow.

SL and I have toyed with the idea of fucking each other blind. Yes, she is still with someone else, in the technical sense. How honorable am I being? On a scale of 1-10, I think a 4.5. I want it to happen, I have pushed for it to happen, but it hasn’t happened. Perhaps I should change that to an 6.5.

Yesterday, she mentioned that she had played with GE before - a man, by the way, that I hate with the heat of a thousand suns. This is someone I have history with going back for years and most of it is bad. This information came in a casual discussion. I overreacted. I admit. It is because it is him and not some other person. I hate him. The fact that she has touched him in that manner, and vise versa…makes me almost ill. It certainly has stomped down any spark at least for the moment. Sexual cravings are far from my mind when I consider that he has touched her. I am almost bitter about it.

I am keeping my distance from most people these days. I can’t afford to spend the emotional cash that investing in a friendship requires. I just can’t care less about them. Indifference? Yes. I believe at the moment, that I am filled with it.