Down with the sickness.

I’ve read numerous papers on Sadism both in a professional interest and a personal one. I’ve been Dominant all of my life…Sadistic, ah that is harder. I can manipulate emotions and thought in another person very well so I would say being an emotional sadist came quite easily to me. Actually physically harming someone was different in that I had to be exposed to it first - after which I became a quick study.

The one thing that stands out for me in all of these documents is the emotionally detached claim that all of them make regarding Sadists. While it is true that in performing certain actions, I distance myself from emotions such as compassion, anger and happiness, it doesn’t remain that way. They claim Sadists are basically emotionless creatures who feel only when they/we are harming another person. I resent the further implication that we are a step away from becoming psychopaths.

How shallow a view point. It is rather like saying that all submissives grew up without a father figure. Utter tripe.

The truth of the matter, for me at least, is this: I can be very cold, emotionless, detached. It is an exercise of will power on some level (self control), and on another it is a place that I go to allow me to perform certain functions. It is a place to escape within my own mind to be calm.

I am a very emotional person, in truth. I feel everything deeply, when I choose to do so.

And that is the difference I think. While I can hide inside myself for weeks, months at a time, the gray eventually bothers me enough to emerge or someone close triggers it.

And that is my world. Calm and Gray - with the occasional burst of color. It works for me on some level. On others I am always alone.